Children have the greatest capacity to enjoy life. Their main mission in life is to enjoy life. They entrust their needs to their parents and race through life as if nothing really matters more than the time spent in playing. They live carefree lives, having the times of their lives without a thought for the next minute much less for tomorrow or the rest of their lives. Life to them is one big playground. Theirs is an enviable life and how wonderful to be like a carefree child again.
I am grateful for the experience of fatherhood. The experience has allowed me to see myself through my children and get a glimpse of my own childhood through them. I have very few vivid memories of my childhood, but watching my children grow up has somehow shown me what it might have been.
I had an ordinary but relatively happy childhood. I lived in a time where cellphones, iPads or computers were things that would not even visit our wildest imaginations. Most of my toys, I had to build myself and the games I played with my neighborhood friends, were played outside of our homes. We played on any open field that we would have decided to be the playground for the day. When we played, we were really in the game and not just imagining it. There was no such thing as virtual reality. What we had was a full dose of reality itself or at least what looked like reality to us children back then.
My two boys have now reached the early teen years. As I watch them grow up, the cold reality sets in that life is moving along too fast. This is mildly shocking especially for those of us approaching the middle age years. Where have all the years gone? It drives home the fact that we must take every opportunity to enjoy life as it zips along. Opportunity lost is lost forever. But, of course, for my boys who are in their early teens, time may feel so agonizingly slow.
It still surprises me that my children still enjoy spending time around me and their mother, although it does reach a point where it gets on my nerves. They just simply want to hang around that sometimes, I need to be firm enough to shoo them away. I do know that I need to spend more time and do those father-son-and-boys things with them. My wife keeps reminding me that before you know it, they would have gone out into the world of their own living their own lives. Then, it’s too late.
The reason why this surprises me is because I did not have this kind of relationship with my father. My relationship with my father was a strict father-to-son relationship. There was no hanging around with my father and no father-son activity I remember spending with him. So now that it’s my turn to be a father, I have a hard time getting used to it. Even now I’m still working at it. I did not plan nor expected to have this kind of relationship with my children. I realize now that if things were simply allowed to work out the way they should, this is the kind of father-son relationship that would turn out by default. I really do not foresee how this will all turn out in the future or what benefit my children or I will derive from it. But, for now it seems to be working out quite well and I’m happy despite all my complaints. I still do need to keep my nerves in check, though.
My wife used to say that the children need assurance that they are loved and respected as individuals. I guess, mothers just simply know. Even without delving into the deep science of it all, I believe that it is a basic human need to be loved, respected and validated as an individual. I only need to examine my own feelings to know this to be true. I feel the same and manifest the same need, too. And because I didn’t have this kind of validation as a child, even now in my adulthood approaching middle age, I still find myself craving for it. I didn’t need to search too far, though. I can find enough love and respect and validation within my family, and surprisingly in particular, from my own children. Being loved and respected is one great benefit of fatherhood. I am grateful that I am a father.